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I am the daughter of a Vietnam draetfe and I concider myself a survivor of PTSD. I will never forget the day my father threatened to shoot me with a sawed-off shot gun just because I tried to voice my opinion against his verbal assaults. My father reminded me so many times that if I'd been born a boy he would have most likely killed me early on. The most difficult part of my childhood was being bullied by both the children at school and my own father as well. I imagined later in life that while most little girls were protected, loved, and adored by there father's I on the otherhand was treated like a disease by my father, and invisable to the rest of the World. I never did anything harmful to anyone, and I was not a disruptive spoiled child either. I was not allowed to touch anything in my parents house outside of my own room, and most of my early childhood was spent in isolation in my bedroom. My mother never divorced my father, knowing how abusive he was to me and my younger sister. I am bitter because my mother didn't protect me against my father but has the nerve to remind me that I should forget the past and learn to trust in God for Guidance. As an adult my father now claimes he called me names and beat me because he didn't want me to grow up weak. His taunts and name calling were daily and repetative. The only time the name calling would stop was when I raised my voice to him, which always ended with a beating to my head. As a result of my childhood I have bouts of anxiety where I am terrified of people and social situations. I don't trust anyone, and I feel like my father won, and I have become a complete failure in everything I dreamt to be in my life. I feel the Government owes me the same rights as what my father is given, as well as disability support!! Where do people like me go when we need Group Therapy, and not just drug handouts from pompous shrinks, but a geniune retreat where cries can be not just heart but felt. I am angry even as I type this because it is sad that this is the only website I can share my story with, my own monitor screen and a tone of rambling keystrokes for a random stranger to hear. I am enraged that the shrink I went to a year ago told me he didn't know of any Group Therapy for the kind of therapy I was searching for and looked at me with narrow eyes as if I was making up all accounts of the abuse I survived. I am exhausted because roughly a week out of every month I become suicidal. I have been diagnosed bipolar, but I think it's a mis diognosis because I feel I have all the symptoms of PTSD. I cannot find any information local in my area or service provided for Children of Vets. Can someone please send me a link so that I can gain the courage to share my story with others like myself.
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